Symbols & Traditions

Wedding Traditions Around The World

Why Should You Only Be Engaged Once

At one time it was thought that to be engaged more than once meant

certain damnation. The groom-to-be often avoided making the proposal

himself, but instead sent friends to represent his interests to his

intended bride or her family. On their way to make this visit, these

representatives would observe certain things that they would interpret

as omens for the future couple. A monk, a blind man, or pregnant women

were among the bad omens, signaling that the representatives should give

up their mission. Nanny goats, a pigeon, or a wolf were among those

bringing good fortune. One warning for brides-to-be was to avoid suitors

whose surnames began with the same letter as their own.

Why A Proposal

In the 19th century, declaration of love was tantamount to proposal;

arranged marriages did not include proposals nor did marriage by

capture. Asking the bride's father for her comes from the era of

arranged marriages.

Why An Engagement

The engagement is a means to an end-- marriage. Indeed, the full term is

"engaged to be married." At one time, however, the engagement was as

important as the wedding itself. Anglo-Saxons were used to stealing away

their brides-to-be. Romance, wooing and engagements were not in the

picture. But the families of the women insisted on being reimbursed for

what was, after all, a working member of the family. The engagement

itself signified the intended transfer of ownership from father to

husband and also provided a period during which the "bride's price"

could be agreed.

Several centuries later the situation was in reverse and fathers were

paying future sons-in-law, or their families, a "dowry" to marry off

their daughters. The engagement was again a time for agreeing on the

payment, or dowry, and also a time for collecting an extravagant

trousseau, at least for rich brides.

Why An Engagement Party

Once marked by a party called a "flouncing", the couple met with their

future in-laws to make the engagement official. Neither of the couple

could be seen talking to another man or woman after this point and

should the engagement be broken, the one breaking it forfeited half of

his or her worldly goods.

Why A Betrothal Ring

The troth or promise ring is older than the wedding band. Its earliest

form was probably plaited sweet grass, which came from the custom of

securing the bride's wrists and ankles with rushes during the age of

marriage by capture. When restraint became more symbolical than

physical, a grass ring was given to her, succeeded by rings of metal as

man became more accomplished in the crafts. The Romans and Egyptians,

with their love of precious metal and stones, initiated the production

of platinum, silver and gold rings. Jeweled rings were the next step and

the diamond is mentioned specifically from about the fourth century AD,

and frequently from the fifteenth century on.

Why An Engagement Ring

Before coinage, gold rings were circulated as currency. By giving a gold

ring to his bride, a man showed he trusted her with his property. Under

Roman law, the ring was a sign of security, protecting the interests of

the bride-to-be. In Elizabethan times, an interlocking set of three

rings was used and worn during the engagement period by the bride, the

groom and the witness at the wedding. The three rings would be placed on

the bride's finger during the wedding ceremony. Diamond rings became

popular in the 19th century.

Why A Diamond

The diamond was called the Venus stone by the ancients to compare its

shining beauty with the planet Venus in the evening sky. Like this

goddess, who was dedicated to love, the diamond in time became

associated with sweethearts, and its mysterious inner fire was likened

to the equally mysterious fires of passion. The Greeks called is

"adamas"- eternal or unchanging, possibly as a declaration as to the

depths of their emotions, but more probably the ancient name came from

the character of the stone--the hardest substance in nature.

According to history, the diamond as an engagement ring began in 1477

with Maximilllian of Austria and Mary of Burgundy. Max took the advice

and proposed, slipping a diamond ring on her third finger, left hand

side. Mary said "Yes" and a tradition was born.

Today, when many traditions are toppling, the diamond ring tradition is

stronger than ever. Four out of five engaged couples- for whom the

individual expression of their love is still captured in that tiny,

sparkling gem-- follows it.

Why A Wedding Band

Wedding bands symbolizing eternal love by their lack of beginning or

end, grew out of the ancient tradition of using circlets of grass to

decorate a bride's wrists and ankles. Although nor required to validate

marriage under a civil law, rings were required in 16th century by the

Council of Trent. Circular shape symbolizes eternity.

Why Third Finger, Left Hand?

The ancients believed that a special vein, which they called a "vena

amoris" or vein of love, ran from the finger directly to the heart. By

putting on a fitted ring, the affections were bound in and could never

flow out the fingertips. Also, this finger--although not the smallest on

the hand--is the weakest and most dependent on the others for help in

lifting and holding.

It seemed to symbolize the young wife supported by the strength of her

husband. The "ring" finger has sometimes been on the left hand,

sometimes on the right, according to country and custom. Among

English-speaking persons, it has been on the left since the edict of

Edward VI in 1549.

Why a Bridal Shower

This tradition evolved from Holland when a father disapproved of his

daughter's choice and the villagers gathered to "shower" her with the

dowry her father refused.

Why a White Gown

White is the ceremonial symbol of purity and virtue and hence of

maidenhood. It has been so since Biblical times. But white has not

always been the fashion for wedding gowns. Prior to the 19th century, it

was fashionable to wear a colorful outfit that could be adopted for

later wear.  A typical early American bride wore the best she should afford

and potentially re-use-- in the prevailing fashion of the day. It might be a

white linen shift over a petticoat or two, a blue and white Calico smock

or something in pink, a fashion color, with velvet or trim. Colonial

brides also wore pastel brocades and even cherry red satin, but the

rites were most often performed at home than in a church. Nellie Custis

revised the wearing of white at her marriage to George Washington's

favorite nephew on the ex-president's last birthday, February 22, 1799

and white has now been the fashion for some 200 years. However,

candlelight or ivory shades are equally popular with today's brides.

About 1820 white became popular for formal occasions, although pastels

were in vogue until the end of the century. When Queen Victoria

popularized white at her own wedding in 1840, it became the official

color for brides, because it was considered a symbol of Biblical purity.

Although fashions have changed, white is still symbolic of brides and

the word "white" has come to symbolize happiness and joy.

Why a Bridal Veil

We think of the veil as being oriental because the Eastern bridegroom

often did not see his bride's face until after the ceremony. Actually,

the veil is older than the harem and rises from the mists of mythology.

Ishtar, ancient Goddess of Love, came from the depths to her betrothed,

the vapors of the earth and sea covering her "like a veil."

Folklore has it that the tradition of the veil changed to include a

blusher after Jacob was tricked into marrying his beloved Rachel's

sister, Leah, who was disguised under the full veiling. It seems there

is much to be said for inspecting the bride before it is too late!

The invention of the wide loom and silk tulle in the 19th century gave

women a sheer covering that enhanced their beauty.

The wedding veil symbolizes modesty, privacy, youth, and virginity. That

way of thinking still has a foothold on bridal etiquette, as only a

first-time bride wears a veil.

Now, the blusher, like the veil, is optional. However, wearing a veil

does create a very romantic moment as the groom lifts it to kiss his

bride for the first time as her husband.

Why a Blue Garter

We all know that something blue is lucky for the bride, but why a blue

garter? This seems to stem from the noble Order of the Garter, the

oldest order of knighthood in Europe. Its regalia includes a collar, a

star and an actual blue velvet garter. Since queens and princesses are

the only women invested with the Order, and a bride is a "queen for the

day", she may enjoy royal prerogatives by wearing a blue garter below

her left knee.

Why a Trousseau

Once upon a time, the bride's family began preparing for her marriage

when she was born. They collected embroidered and crafted items to store

in a striking piece of furniture known as a "marriage" or "hope" chest.

A century ago in Italy the bride's belongings were carried in a street

procession to her marriage and everyone saw the contents. Today, the

bride's family might purchase the hope chest.

In some communities today, a "trousseau tea" is held before the wedding.

This "ladies only" social gathering is a way to show off all the bride's

new things-- not just gifts, but lingerie, clothing items, personal

items-- everything but the wedding costume.

Why a Bevy of Bridesmaids

In the old days of marriage by capture, a maiden was guarded by her

family to prevent seizure, and in later centuries this little drama was

enacted as a sort of game at country weddings. The bridegroom, gaily

attired, coming for his bride, was confronted by a bevy of maidens all

dressed exactly alike. His part of the play was to detect his true love,

"forsaking all others," and bear her away to the church. As recently as

Victorian times, brides' maidens often wore white dresses and even short

bridal veils, looking like brides themselves. The best friend was

designated first bridesmaid. Maid of honor and matron of honor are

modern designations in line with our smaller wedding parties of today.

It was once required that 10 witnesses be present at a marriage ceremony

to outsmart the jealous demons. Bridesmaids dressed similarly to the

the bride and groom apart from attendants, they would not be able to

carry out their plans.

Why Ushers or Groomsmen

Back in the days of "marriage by capture," a young man often brought

along some of his strong-armed friends to help fend off his ladylove's

brothers. These were the first ushers or groomsmen.

Why a Ring Bearer

This small attendant, usually a relative of the bride, is typically

American and unknown in Europe, although he is the successor of the

English page boy who still carries the bride's train in formal weddings

at Westminster. Children, especially youths, have always been considered

propitious in the wedding party, and in France they carried lighted

tapers at the bride's side. Charles Frederick Worth, who dressed most of

the queens of Europe form his house in Paris, is said to have originated

the court train, suspended from the shoulders, for the wedding gown.

This gave the little train bearer a definite job to do.

But alas, court trains went out of fashion as skirts grew shorter, so

the bride's little nephew was given the wedding ring to carry.

Why a Bouquet

Symbolizes life, growth, and fertility. Herbs ward off evil spirits.

Flowers with different meanings are assembled into a bouquet.

Acacia = Elegance

Carnations = Fidelity

Honeysuckle = Generosity

Hyacinth = Playfulness

Irises = Wisdom

Orchids = Fertility

Roses = Love

Why Orange Blossoms?

There are cycles of favor for bridal flowers just as with other bridal

fashions. We had the era of rosemary, then myrtle, and more recently the

orange blossom has enjoyed a full century of popularity. Carried from

Spain to France many years ago, and then to America, the orange blossom

tradition became so strong that brides wore the flowerets molded in wax

when they couldn't get fresh blossoms. The meaning is significant: the

orange tree is one of the very few in all nature that bears its flowers

and its fruit at the same time-- a symbol of the young and fruitful

spouse. Because the tree from which orange blossoms come is an

evergreen, they are also thought to symbolize the everlasting nature of

the newlywed's love for each other.

Why "Something Old-- Something New"

Something Old: Continuity

Something New: Optimism and Hope

Something Borrowed: Happiness shared from happily married couple

Something Blue: Fidelity, Love, and Purity

A Lucky Sixpence In The Shoe: Ensure a life of fortune. The sixpence

first became known as a lucky coin when introduced by Edward VI of

England in 1551 and later became part of bridal wedding traditions in

the Victorian era.

Other traditions include carrying small bags with a bit of bread and

cloth and wood and coin to protect against shortages of food, clothing,

shelter, and money. A lump of sugar to bring sweetness all the married

life may also be included.

Why a Coin in the Show

Ancient custom to appease Diana, goddess of chastity and unmarried

maidens, so that the bride could lose her virginity and bear children.

Why the Groom Can't See the Bride On Their Wedding Day

The bad luck omen of the groom seeing the bride on their wedding day is

a holdover from primitive seclusion rites, which stipulated that nobody

should see a betrothed girl before she has passed fully into womanhood.

Why the Wedding Kiss

Part of the ceremony since Roman times when it was the only legal bond--

if one of the engaged pair died before the wedding, the other could keep

the gifts only if they had already kissed. The wedding kiss is no longer

a required part of the wedding ceremony.

The wedding kiss is a symbol of the newlywed's faith and love, respect

and obedience to mutual benefits. It grew out of the feudal practice of

kissing the lord's ring.

Another story goes, the priest first kissed the groom after the

ceremony. Then the groom kissed the bride, the priest kissed his

assistants, and his assistants kissed the guests. No longer is the

tradition carried this far, but now you know there is historic precedent

for a bride-groom kiss at the very last.

Why the Bride's Handkerchief

Early farmers thought a bride's wedding tears were lucky and brought

them rain for their crops. Later on in history, a crying bride meant she

would never shed another tear about her marriage.

Why a Bachelor Dinner

It dates back to the Spartan groom, who always invited his close friends

to a supper on the eve of his wedding to celebrate and reminisce about

his past. Traditionally, it was also held to raise money for the

bridegroom so he would be able to continue to drink with his buddies

after his wife took control of the finances. Mainly, however, it was

mourning for the passing of a man's bachelor status.

Why a Rehearsal Dinner

Parties were held on the wedding eve to chase away the evil spirits. The

more noise the better.

Why a Wedding Reception

The fact is that marriage feasts have been in existence nearly as long

as marriage ceremonies. The early Greeks held a splendid wedding feast

for every couple. And it was a very special occasion indeed--because

although women were not usually included in other Greek banquets, they

were invited to wedding feasts.

Why Serve Goose At A Wedding Feast

According to folklore, goose was served at weddings because the gander,

always faithful to his original mate, became the symbol of marriage and

fidelity. By serving goose, it was believed that the main dish would

symbolize things hoped for and dreamed for in the marriage.

Why a Wedding Cake

The tradition of the wedding cake has ancient roots. The Roman wedding

ceremony included a simple cake made from salt, water, and wheat flour.

The cake culture may also be connected to the fertility rituals of many

cultures. One custom, similar to that of throwing confetti, involved

showering the bride with many small cakes after the wedding. Sometimes

the cakes were even broken over the bride's head.

In Shakespeare's time, sheaves of wheat were carried in the wedding

procession and sometimes the bride wore weathers in her veil because

this graceful grain is a symbol of fertility. In a later era, the wheat

was ground to flour and little hearth-baked cakes were broken and eaten

by the bride and groom. Gradually these loaves became more elaborate.

The bridesmaids carried them to the church to be blessed, which led to

the belief that the very crumbs under one's pillow would induce dreams

of romance.

At Elizabethan weddings, the bride and groom would kiss over a stack of

small sweet buns. A 17th century French chef frosted the little cakes

with white sugar to hold them together. White wedding cakes appeared in

the United States around the civil war, replacing the British dark

fruitcake.

Elaborately decorated wedding cakes date from Victorian times. One

customs in England involved throwing a plate holding a piece of cake out

the window as the bride entered her father's home after the wedding. If

the plate remained unbroken on landing, the bride was destined to be

unhappy or wretched. If the plate broke-- and it usually did-- she was

sure to be happy. England also has the tradition of placing a ring in

the wedding cake. The guests were invited to cut themselves slices of

cake. The one who found the ring was said to be ensured happiness for a

year.

The bride and groom feed each other a taste of cake to symbolize the

sharing of life's bounty. A small bit of icing on his face foretells a

"rich and sweet life"; his face smeared with icing, "trouble"; and if a

child under five snitches frosting, their first born will be the same

sex as the child.

Why a Wedding Toast

What about the origin of "toasting"? As drink goes, wine has always been

central to the wedding, even mentioned in the Bible. The first recorded

toast was given at a Saxony feast in 450A.D. by a woman who became a

bride herself before the end of the evening.

British King Vortigern was so moved by the sentiment-- a simple "Lord

King, be of health," offered by Rowena, daughter of the Saxony leader

Hengist, that he proceeded to make passionate love to her. Intoxicated

by the drink, possible love, and definitely greed, he then bargained

with Hengist for her hand. A deal was arranged whereby Hengist received

the province of Kent in exchange for her hand. Vortigern and Rowena were

married that same evening. From that time forth, "to life, to health, to

love," has been a part of the toasting tradition, as glass touches glass

and a chorus of clinks heralds a festive time for all.

Once it literally involved scorched bread. In the days when wine was

regularly decanted, it left much more sediment than our modern bottles

do. So the French cleverly placed a piece of toast in the bottom of the

cup to absorb the dregs.

A competent toaster drank everything to get to the toast at the bottom

because decorum dictated that one drain the glass.

So good wishes were often accompanied with the dictum, "Bottoms up!"

Today the good wishes remain but happily the actual soggy toast has

disappeared. And, clinking of glasses after a toast scares away the

devil who is repelled by the noise.

Why a Wedding Favors

To share joy of day with guests, dating back to Elizabethan times.

Why Sugar Coated Almonds?

In many cultures, almonds symbolize wishes for a happy and fertile

marriage. The candy-covered nuts were often in elaborately decorated

small boxes and containers, looking for all the world like little gems.

Why Dancing and Games

Ancient wedding dances were communal and symbolic of life giving and

beginnings. The first dance of the bride and groom leading to their

dancing with the guests was to give them strength from the community

before they retired to the bedchamber.

Why Decorate the Car

Traditionally, the guests escorted the couple to the bedchamber and

tucked them into bed reminding them of their responsibility to the

community to create a family.

Why Old Shoes

In India, when a couple were honeymooning in a house, the

bride's red slippers were thrown across the peaked roof as a discreet

reminder that visitors were not especially welcome. Our custom of

throwing old shoes after the departing newlyweds stems from this ancient

sign language. Old shoes tied to the honeymooner's car were once

considered symbols of authority and possession. The bride's father would

contribute one of the bride's shoes to the groom, thus symbolizing the

transference of authority over to the husband.

Why Tin Cans

To protect the couple form evil spirits while they traveled.

Why Throw the Garter

Guests invaded the bridal chamber and threw the bride and groom's

stockings. The one whose throw landed on the bride or groom's nose was

the next to marry. By the 14th century, the groom was throwing the

bride's garter to prevent their being rushed at the altar.

Why Toss The Bride's Bouquet

Traditionally, the woman catching the bouquet will be the next to wed.

Why Throw Rice

It is thought to have come from the Orient, where rice is a household

symbol that signifies a full pantry. Thus, wedding guests through the

ages have thrown rice to demonstrate their wishes for he prosperity of

the new bride and groom.

While nearly all cultures have showered the wedding couple with symbolic

food to ensure fertility, for many years it was rice that was used in

America. Today, however, this sport is considered dangerous as someone

could slip and fall when walking on the grains. Environmentalists say

that rice can harm birds, being hard for them to digest. However, there

is also biodegradable rice now on the market, making it possible to

again use rice.

We suggest that you use birdseed, confetti, or bubbles. Tie the birdseed

into the rounds of net. Coordinate the ribbon used to tie the packets

with your color scheme. Or, packages of confetti can be passed out. For

a different effect, non-staining bubble soap is available and the small

bottles can be personalized with the couple's names. What a pretty sight

it is to walk beneath a canopy of bubbles on camera-- a beautiful sight.

Why a Honeymoon

Long ago it was a period when the groom, having bought or captured his

bride, disappeared with her so that his family could not rescue her. The

couple hid for a month (moon) and partook of a honeyed wine, called

mead, which was thought to have aphrodisiac properties. By the sixteenth

century, honeymoon referred less to a time period and more to a feeling.

Newlyweds were in the "honey," or full phase, of their love.

Why The Groom Carries 

The Bride Over The Threshold

The Romans believed that the threshold was the sacred place of their

goddess Vesta and that if the new husband did not carry his bride

feet-first into their new home, the couple would risk Vesta's

displeasure. And even today in some parts of India, the fear of evil

spirits is so great that the groom himself is carried over the threshold

before he turns and lifts his bride across after him!